Remember remaining bloke number one? He's made appearances in every one of my previous posts, whether you were aware of that or not. Well.... it's time to catch you up on that part of the story.
This one is a story of a lovely lady named Elizabeth, who recently set out to restore her self-respect (and, as it was pointed out by a very dear friend, her self-restraint).
It begins with a road trip.
Yes, yes, I took another road trip. But this time I went for a different reason. This one involved a family member and some old friends. It just so happened to be a road trip to the same place where former Mr. Number One lives. I no longer feel he deserves the title of 'number one.' So let's call him, for the purposes of this story, Charles.
When we last saw Charles, he left my hotel room after less than four hours and didn't return. I left town the next morning and, as you can see from my post in January, was quite irritated with myself. I was fully aware at that time that Charles and I wouldn't be pursuing a relationship (this is a key point), but I traveled there with the intention of seeking some comfort and uhm, other things. What I also got, but wasn't expecting, was another dent in my armor and a little less self-respect.
Alas, in typical Cavendish fashion, I persevered.
About two weeks ago, a dear family member invited me to meet her in that lovely city for a charity event and to spend some time together. After about three or four days of careful introspection, I decided I was indeed strong enough to be in the same city as Charles for the first time in two months, so I made arrangements and off I went.
With the firm knowledge that 'it is what it is, no more, no less,' I did tell Charles that I'd be making an appearance in his hometown. I expected to at least see him to say hello; we are, after all, friends, right? And for any one of my friends who might be passing through my town, I'd definitively make an effort to see them at least briefly - but maybe that's just me.
On the one night that this would have been possible, there was little more than the sound of crickets from Charles. A few SMS messages, a couple of work-related answers and a lame excuse for why he didn't stop in that one evening.
That is, of course, until I got a phone call in the wee hours the night before my return home. And in that one conversation, he not only changed my perception of him (and what I THOUGHT he thought of me), but he gave me the chance that I had so been looking for but wasn't even aware was coming.
I regret that I cannot tell you the details of that conversation as the details are too private that I have told no one - but suffice it to say that it was appalling. I'll admit it wasn't what he wanted that offended me. I think we've established that that piece of our past was amazing - and who can really blame him for wanting that? I certainly don't - and if he hadn't said such awful things to me on the phone (while inebriated, no less), I might have considered it.
With that one conversation, he made a mockery of the feelings I had for him. Used the knowledge of how I felt in a hurtful, joking way. Made me feel like an idiot - and made it clear that he thought all of this was funny. And at the end of that conversation, when I was sure he had safely arrived home and I told him that he didn't need to see me, that what he needed was sleep - he said it was a wasted conversation.
A wasted conversation? Really?! Did I mention that after that comment he hung up on me?
And why is that? Because I said no? Because I exercised self-restraint? Because I chose to honor myself and prove to myself that I am dignified?
He didn't answer when I called back. Twice. I assumed that the drink had gotten the better of him by that point, so i sent a series of SMS messages to make my point. And make my point they did.
I silenced my mobile and went to sleep. By the time I awoke, there were multiple missed calls on my mobile. When we finally spoke that morning, he remembered nothing. Barely remembered even being on the phone, much less talking to me. But the SMS messages spoke loud and clear; I deserve respect and I will not stand for anything less. Because the people in our lives whom we count as friends certainly deserve that much.
Yet it seems that because he put me on hold, I hung up, and we never finished that conversation, he's a bit confused. A message he left a day later gives me the impression that he believes I'm upset or hurt because I wanted a relationship and he didn't. On the contrary, that was never the issue. For his honesty long before this weekend, I cannot fault him.
It was the blatant disrespect, meanness and mockery that infuriated me. His message said that he respects and appreciates my friendship. I don't know about you, but my friends don't treat me this way. They never have. Our relationships are built on mutual love, support and respect. And I would never tolerate this nonsense from any 'friend.' Any person who demonstrates this type of behavior toward me will quickly find themselves with one less friend.
So to you, Charles, I would like to say I am disappointed. I was not afforded the opportunity to tell you exactly what you said or what you did that night. Didn't have a chance to make you understand - and thus didn't get a true apology. I never expected any of that from you. For a man who was once an anchor tethering me to life through my stormy seas, I find it a major disappointment that it became a train wreck. But thanks, for giving me the opportunity to stand up for myself.
After all, in the end, I am left with a healthy opinion of myself and an abundance of self-respect. And for that, I will always be thankful.
