In my heart, I'm a writer. When I think about what makes me happy, when I feel my best, that's totally disconnected from other people in my life, it's when I write. Or even when I just think about writing. I think about all of the things I would say just to get it all out of my head.
When I put it all out there, outside of myself, it makes more sense. It helps me understand myself. And it either multiplies the joy, or it takes away the pain, confusion and discord.
The biggest challenge in this, though, is that I've always had a hard time writing things that I want or need to share when I'm intrinsically happy. When I feel balanced, grounded and connected to the world around me, it's harder to force myself to sit down and write. Because when I'm in that place, I'd much rather be living life and sharing experiences than writing about them.
When I write, it's for catharsis. That pure, unadulterated feeling of freedom I get from putting it all out there. It's similar to the way I felt when I went sky-diving, or cliff-jumping, or being out on the water.
And right now I find myself torn between the two.
I'm in the middle at the moment. I find myself wanting to explain it but I'm at a loss. So instead, for now, I will leave you with this simple explanation of what exactly my writing does for me. So when you see future posts, you'll know where I stand.
And for now, that will just have to be enough for me.
